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He Used to be Somebody... Reviewed
by Dick Marden for The
Bookshelf, |
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"This new book is the inspiring love story of two persons, an Alzheimer patient and his caregiver. It reds like a novel; its true-to-life plot reaches heights and depths that writers of fiction would envy. it is, above all, a love story of almost luminescent quality. The author (a healthcare professional) knew that her husband had dementia-type problems when they married, a second marriage for each. They endured faulty diagnoses, "step-family" interference, demeaning litigation, court-ordered guardianship and a host of other setbacks, all overlaid on Tom Murphy's deteriorating physical condition. Yet as Tom progressed through the stages of Alzheimer's, Beverly made great progress in dealing with her emotional pressures. The resulting insights should be synopsized into a guidebook of caregiving. An interesting fact is that the author freely tells of the physical attraction that bonded them until Tom could no longer function. Too often the topic of sexual relations in Alzheimer's is ignored. While its importance varies from case to case, it plays an important part in many relationships. It certainly has the potential to sustain a valuable quality of life for some couples. Tom was an acknowledged expert in business organization, especially in the petroleum industry. As such, he traveled the world, spoke a number of languages and was help in high esteem by his peers. An especially touching incident concerns a time when, after a nursing home stay, Tom returns to his home. He is able to find the bathroom by himself and reports the fact to his wife. She praises him a little too lavishly. "Big deal," Tom replies, "I went to the bathroom alone. I used to go to London alone." Make no mistake - for all of the negative aspects, this is an uplifting book. For anyone who is losing a loved one to AD it should be considered required reading."
Newsletter, Alzheimer's Association, Western Arkansas Chapter, April/May 1996 issue |